Always Be Nice To Whoever Your Child Brings Home For You Never Know Who They Might Marry

I hate my mother-in-law. Truly I think she is the damn devil for many reasons. Yesterday was my birthday, and so I got a birthday card from her in the mail and didn't even bother opening it because..well, I hate her. So when I finally opened the card, I just glanced at it briefly and noticed there was a personal message inside. After being with my husband for 10 of the longest years of my life and giving birth to 3 kids, the woman wrote me a note basically saying she didn't know why I didn't like her (bullshit!) and that she was sorry "for whatever she had done to me."
I threw the card in the trash can...but not before I called up my friend Michelle and read her the whole message in the requested country accent.
Now I will admit that I can hold a grudge like no other if I feel like I've been wronged or if I just flat out hate your ass. Ask Jimmy, I've gone weeks without speaking to him after a fight and we live in the same house. The whole crap of forgive and forget? I don't. I may lie to you and tell you that I do but I really don't.
So perhaps you're wondering why I hate mama's fat ass. I will only go over the highlighted stuff since I could sit here writing all day long. How about I start off the first time I met her? First of all, Jimmy in his infinite wisdom decided I needed to drive to North Carolina on the day before Thanksgiving to meet his entire family for the first time. Just one thing - he failed to mention to them that I'm half-black...for he didn't know what they would say. Now rather than have a "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" moment with a bunch of country white people, I told him that there was no way in hell I was going to drive up there unless he told them before I arrived and so he did. I would have loved to have been there for it. It would have been amazing. So I arrived and still got that, "Holy crap, there's a colored person in my house!" look. And then got grilled about my whole life and religious background. It was great and I obviously answered every question wrong. But things weren't horrible and I went to sleep that night thinking that the next day could not possibly get any worse. I was so damn wrong.
I woke up to a truck picking up a gigantic block of freshly picked cotton (told you they were country!). Things were fairly normal for the most part until mama went to her room got a newspaper clipping and handed it to Jimmy saying, "I cried when I saw this." Curious, I glanced over at it and saw it was a wedding announcement...for Jimmy's ex-girlfriend.
Strike one.
I was actually too shocked to say a word, so I just didn't.
Then the day continued and mama mentioned that she got called for jury duty and didn't want to do it because it was probably some drug dealer and "lord knew that he was just a no good n-word." Except she actually said the whole word and my mouth and Jimmy's fell open in shock. Jimmy was horrified and rightfully so. Meanwhile, I felt like I was trapped in an episode of the Twilight Zone and died laughing. And before she could even say it, I said, "Please don't say that white people can be n-words too, cause they just can't." She looked at me and said, "I'm not racist." I couldn't help it I had to say, "Because you have friends that are black, right?"
Strike two.
And it was then that I decided to leave early for I did not want to find out what foul shit would come out of her mouth next. But I didn't leave soon enough for we ate dinner and as I was eating my collards, mama looked at me and said, "Do you want some vi-nigger for your collards." I choked on my food and looked at her and said, "I believe it's pronounced vinegar" and went back to eating. Freudian slip? I think so!
Strike three.
All of this happened the very first time I met Jimmy's family I shit you not and over the years it has just gotten better and better. There's fact that she use to sit me at the kids table during the holidays, or if we went anywhere to eat and she would push me out of the way so she could sit next to Precious (aka Golden Child) or even better how she told everyone and their mother how it was just wrong that I was living in sin with Jimmy and how awful I was for it...cause you know I was f*cking myself and molesting Jimmy. I will say I did get fed up with her telling everyone about it and finally said, "Listen I don't particularly think it's right that you had a child at 15 but I've let it go." She really never said much to me after that - nor have I said much of anything to her.
And then I had three kids with Jimmy and decided my kids would be around that foulness as little as possible....and because I still hate her. And it has caused many fights between Jimmy and it's because his umbilical cord is still attached, but he picks and chooses his battles now and I simply take my iPad with me and ignore them all.
So moral of the story, people: always be nice to every trick, thug or whoever your child brings home for no matter how hard you pray, your child may just marry that person. And that person may just hold a grudge and you will never, ever, ever see your grand kids.

Valentine's Smalentines

Today is Valentine's Day and I think it has to be one of the crappiest days ever. And before you all think I'm bitter, my husband  did actually want to do something sweet, I just refuse to let him waste the money on such a farce of a holiday. Correction: it's not a holiday if the banks are still open, the mail runs and the kids are still in school.
I find it hard to get excited about a day where one celebrates their love for another when they should do this every day. I don't need jewelry, a fancy dinner or flowers to make me happy. Simple things like a note (which will never happen with my husband), watching the kids, cleaning up or sex will do just fine. I think when you're young and fancy free, maybe it's cute. You know, like when you're exchanging Valentine's Day cards in your kindergarten class. Otherwise, not so much.

So to all of you who are spending today with the one you love - good for you. Hope he spends a mint on you. I meanwhile will spend my last day as a 35 year old, watching mindless tv, chasing my kids around, eating yet another salad and not blowing a crap ton of money on a day that is just a damn joke.

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

So I've come to this awe inspiring conclusion that my husband likes to complain for no apparent reason a lot. He and the hang up button on my phone are actually the best of friends because I just get tired of hearing it at times. What does he complain about? Everything and anything. From my blog, my iPad, my iPhone, to the baby crying (they just aren't suppose to do that I suppose), traffic and other randomly stupid shit.
Okay, so this post started because last night he said he was going to take my iPad away like I'm a friggin' five year old or something. He always complains about how much time I spend on whatever electronic device I may have in my hands but I never say a word (aloud) about him watching every sport known to man, the massive amount of golf he plays or whatever else he might be doing...because I'm usually occupied with my kids or my iPad. I mean I could understand if he wanted me to put it down so that I could talk to him but that is so not the case. He just wants me to watch the kids so that he can do whatever the hell he wants.
So we get into this fight last night because as you all can tell I'm just not one to hold my tongue and I told him it's really not like I wouldn't just go out and buy another one. That's when he threatens to close our bank account (sure he would - I didn't point out that he can't since I'm the primary member on an account I've had since I was a kid), tells me not to try to test him (I do it daily - he should know this by now) and then he started to say something else and that's when I looked at him and said, "Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. Damn, can you not do anything else?"
Maybe it's this diet that I'm on that made me just not fear for my life or maybe it's as my friend Cathy told me a long time ago - once you go past a certain point, there's just not turning back. Her other great advice? Rather than just show fear, go nuts - it's scares the hell out of them.
I chose not to do either last night, I was tired and really just wanted to go to bed. I've learned to just walk away a lot lately (another friend taught me this trick). I think it bothers Jimmy more because he expects me to carry on like I'm crazy. Silence is indeed golden.
Do I expect an apology from my little Princess Diva? Hell no, that's just not his style. Like every male out there, he'll think that because it's a new day I've forgotten about it all. So not the case but I guess if he didn't kill me for my "Bitch, bitch, bitch," comment - I can let it go....eventually.

Sausage

So I'm happy. I mean really happy. In the past week I finally met a goal and it feels good to accomplish something I set out to do. Not only am I happy but I'm walking around smiling like a fool - even have the occasional pep in my step. You see, after my son was born in October, I made a promise to myself to lose some weight and exercise. And then I made a long term goal of what size I wanted to be by the time I was 36. So I started working out and eating slighty better after Christmas (no way I was going to attempt it during the holidays for me and food have a wonderful relationship).
And the last week, I went to the Gap and decided to try on a pair of size 8 jeans just for sheer amusement...and they fit!!! Even better I didn't look like sausage or have a muffin top! I was dancing like I was on Soul Train in the dressing room and was just blown away. When I started this journey, I was a size 14 and my goal was to one day be in a single digit. Now before we continue, let me just say that I do not know exactly how much weight I've loss or how much I currently weigh - I don't believe in scales and refused to be ruled by a number. As long as my clothes fit and look good, I'm fine with it.
Now what? I've set another goal to go down another size and once I meet this goal I'm not sure what I'll do. I have no desire to be stick thin - honestly, I'm happy where I am now.
To everyone who has contacted me with their own journey into being fit, I wish you the best of luck. I'm also humbled by the fact that there are those of you who I have inspired to join me on this journey. I'm going to be honest with you, it's taken a lot of work and hasn't been easy at all. Currently I'm on a 1200 calorie/day diet, do cardio three days a week and strength training three days a week - and I drink a TON of water. I live at the gym lately. It was until I changed my diet radically that I noticed my clothes were getting looser but keep in mind I've been working out since the end of December.
So once you do start to lose some weight, please do not squeeze yourself into a pair of jeans and look like sausage because I will make fun of you.

Neglecting My Duties...

So my husband, Jimmy, was the first to read my blog this morning. When he was done, he turned to me and I asked what he thought. Very dryly, he looked at me and says, "I see yet another thing that will make you neglect your duties and responsibilities around the house." Now normally I would have cursed him out, but I was busy folding laundry at the time, getting three kids dressed & fed, and have been up since 4:00 this morning with my three month old (who is currently sitting on my lap as I type this). Where is my husband meanwhile? Well, it's almost 11:00 and I believe he is finally taking a shower...so that he can go to the gym.
Now I'm not at all saying that my husband is lazy - for he does work 50+ hours a week. However, I am saying that just because your ass works 50+ hours a week, doesn't mean that you don't have to do anything once you get home. For some reason he is concerned about my duties and responsibilities and yet the house has yet to burn down, the kids starve or laundry pile up. I will admit that I hate cooking so he can complain about that all day long but everything else I do manage to do - and do it well I might add.
Funny enough, he just walked by and said, "This blog is going to take up time that you don't have, isn't it?"
It's okay, Princess, you go ahead and go to the gym, play golf or sit on your ass all day watching sports -  the kids and I are going to the park and lunch together.
Told you I tend to rant.

Welcome!

So this is my first official blog post. Wow. I feel lame and at the same time so excited...have no idea why. Let me start off by introducing myself to those who don't know me - my name is Regina and I'm a married mother of three small kids all under the age of five. I'm a stay at home mom and I stay busy, which knowing this makes me question how I even have time for a blog. So if I don't regularly update this, then please forgive me.
I'm not sure what direction my blog is going to go. However I can tell you that if you are looking for some sort of inspirational, uplifting, sunny blog - then you will probably not find that here. Although I can say that I started dieting and working out lately and if my fat ass can do it, then truly anyone can (for I am lazy and have a fondness for food).
The title of my blog actually comes from my husband who always tells me that I live this charmed life (because you know staying at home with three kids is a piece of cake). He always asks what color the sky is in my fairy tale world. I always reply that it's pink - seems like a nice color.
So fair warning, I tend to rant...a lot.